Vampires Don't Exist, It Was Only A Kiss

Ever have a moment when you were laying alone between your sheets, feeling restless under the moon beams. When suddenly you hear a tap, tap, tap at your window? As you rush over and throw back your curtains, there floating like a majestic piece of romantic art is……..The Count (from sesame street fame)? No, you haven't? Well of course not, that would be completely silly, just like Twilight,Vampire Diaries, Vampires in Love, Vampire (insert silly romantic name) and True Blood. If you find the notion of bashing romantic vampires offensive, then please turn away now.

For those of you who stayed, todays topic is 'When did vampires lose there testi…..their man stuff?' What drives people (by people I mean 12 year old girls and creepy middle aged men, with bottle cap glasses and comb overs) so batty for immortals who sparkle like its 4th of july? Seriously if you were 100 years old, and watched all the people around you die. One would determine that there would be some form of 'post traumatic stress', you probably aren't going to go around romancing pre-teens. Unless…wait a minute…could modern vampires actually be pedophiles? I mean what kind of person, would let there child date a 100 year old man, call grampa over and try playing twister with him. See that image is gross huh, so why is it ok to romanticize the idea to our tweens?

To me and if you are anything like me (oh universe help you), the you too are a fan of the violent, predatory, darwinism type vampires. The ones who chase around annoying stereotypes, and decapitate them while dragging them through the streets. Examples that come to mind are Salem's Lot, 30 Days of Night, Let The Right One In, and Cher in Concert. These are great examples and for a serious moment here, Nosferatu is the only film (silent film) that still creeps me out today. Vampires were never meant to be sexy, they were historic, night dwelling, heretics who fed upon our deepest fears of inevitable death. They were bound by superstitious practices, and left behind scenes of gory demise. Now they grace our TV screens, and argue which 100 year old pedophile is more romantic then the other.

Maybe I have lost my mind, or maybe I'm sad to see our cultural mythos drop sack. These creatures use to be scary, and I have a hard time accepting a monster crying over lost love of a pre-teen. Don't get me started on how they are trying it with werewolves! Anyway this topic is one that I could simply beat to death, like a dead horse or like the dead career of charlie sheen. I'm not here to rant tonight, as i would much rather have your input. lets talk about this below, leave a comment and chit chat about metro vamps.